I've become convinced that the more time I spend in this building the more depressed I become in general. I'm starting to feel very emotionally tired and a deep sadness lingers around me.
I've pulled up my resume numerous times. I am convinced there is nothing more I can do to make it better. Currently, it is an experience based resume. I guess I could change it to a skills based resume so that it is more apparent what my skills are and how I can transfer those skills to positions outside of teaching and education.
But at the same time, I have had a hard time considering what I would do outside of education. I have thought about it so much lately. I feel the pressure more so now than when I was a senior in high school or a sophomore in college (deciding to go to college and deciding what degree I would carry).
I have thought about my values. My passions. I feel lost.
Every job I apply for makes me feel more inadequate. I have getting rejection letters that state I need more experience. I feel as though the work I have done these last two years isn't recognized and as thought I need to start out at ground zero again.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Monday, June 2, 2014
Goin' Back to School
Almost immediately after graduating from GVSU with my Bachelor's, my father asked,
I almost choked when he asked. As a first generation college student, I had faced a lot of barriers to getting my diploma. Although I achieved wonderful grades, it was not easy for me. Maybe the second time around wouldn't be so bad, but I felt like I needed the experience to settle, before getting back into it.
Lately, I've been pretty unhappy with my work. Unfortunately, you can ready lots about that in earlier posts. So, today I was looking for other positions, again, and again, was agitated by looking for work in schools. Sure it's great to have summer's off, but really? I just can't fathom that idea right now. Not with the experiences I have had in the school systems so far. I began looking at other tyoes of positions. I literally began a search by typing into Google,
Some came up for Editorial Directors. Some pretty heavy stuff. Again, discouraged. I still consider myself learning and became anxious about how I would feel confident going into an interview for a job I had NO IDEA how to do. There's that whole, you'll learn as you go, you'll be trained, you'll be great because you have vision and experiences you can take from, yada, yada. But, no. Just no. I also considered how my resume format would have to be changed. It has been revamped several times, and I still feel like it is inadequate. Why else would I not be getting calls back for positions I KNOW I am qualified for?I was freaking out.
Not to mention, the damn search engines that pull up the job description and application information are phony. They want you to enter your personal information, upload crazy documents, tell them about yourself, and then SUBSCRIBE to their service. As if they are doing the work for you by giving you the information for the job. Given these companies probably pay for the positions to be posted, why are you then being charge to learn how to apply?!? Just doesn't sit well with me. I was trying to then Google job search engines, to see if there were any no obligation, no subscription, no fees, easy to manipulate engines, when I though of GVSU's old LakerJobs. I wondered if it was still there.
Sure enough, it is! It had become so easy for me to "forget" about it. I had maintained the same job throughout college, so I didn't have to utilize it very much. Although I am not going back to school to attend courses, I am going back to GVSU to begin my job search. Which is where I should have started long ago (i.e. directly after graduation.)
"When are you going back to school?"
I almost choked when he asked. As a first generation college student, I had faced a lot of barriers to getting my diploma. Although I achieved wonderful grades, it was not easy for me. Maybe the second time around wouldn't be so bad, but I felt like I needed the experience to settle, before getting back into it.
Lately, I've been pretty unhappy with my work. Unfortunately, you can ready lots about that in earlier posts. So, today I was looking for other positions, again, and again, was agitated by looking for work in schools. Sure it's great to have summer's off, but really? I just can't fathom that idea right now. Not with the experiences I have had in the school systems so far. I began looking at other tyoes of positions. I literally began a search by typing into Google,
"English degree jobs."
Some came up for Editorial Directors. Some pretty heavy stuff. Again, discouraged. I still consider myself learning and became anxious about how I would feel confident going into an interview for a job I had NO IDEA how to do. There's that whole, you'll learn as you go, you'll be trained, you'll be great because you have vision and experiences you can take from, yada, yada. But, no. Just no. I also considered how my resume format would have to be changed. It has been revamped several times, and I still feel like it is inadequate. Why else would I not be getting calls back for positions I KNOW I am qualified for?I was freaking out.
Not to mention, the damn search engines that pull up the job description and application information are phony. They want you to enter your personal information, upload crazy documents, tell them about yourself, and then SUBSCRIBE to their service. As if they are doing the work for you by giving you the information for the job. Given these companies probably pay for the positions to be posted, why are you then being charge to learn how to apply?!? Just doesn't sit well with me. I was trying to then Google job search engines, to see if there were any no obligation, no subscription, no fees, easy to manipulate engines, when I though of GVSU's old LakerJobs. I wondered if it was still there.
Sure enough, it is! It had become so easy for me to "forget" about it. I had maintained the same job throughout college, so I didn't have to utilize it very much. Although I am not going back to school to attend courses, I am going back to GVSU to begin my job search. Which is where I should have started long ago (i.e. directly after graduation.)
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Ahhha moment...
For whatever reason, last night I was thinking again about my career choice and choice of major in college. What I seemed to realize, was that in addition to my teaching certification, I received a bachelors in English and if I ever had the opportunity to go back, I probably would have picked the same major again. I have always enjoyed reading, I loved studying literature in high school, and I would go back to school to take a literature class again!
I remember going into college and WANTING to take some literature and art classes. I had taken both. I wasn't "allowed" to take art classes because I wasn't an art major with a portfolio. Also, at that time, to be an artist, I knew I didn't have to take a class or earn a degree. I could learn techniques and mediums outside of a "class." I took a pre-writing class to make sure I would succeed in my writing courses. I enjoyed being challenged by my courses and actually enjoyed the first time I got a B because the teacher was giving me insightful and honest feedback and my favorite paper to write was from a history class in which I received a C! I like history because of the reading and exploration of the evolution of culture through text. Same from my anthropology class.
I am a writer at heart and was feeling anxious today because I had not taken the amount of time I wanted to spew out all of my most precious revelations in the last day and this morning. This was the last thought on my way back to my house following the enlightenment regarding my choice of studies in college: I am a writer and I can be at peace with that.
I remember going into college and WANTING to take some literature and art classes. I had taken both. I wasn't "allowed" to take art classes because I wasn't an art major with a portfolio. Also, at that time, to be an artist, I knew I didn't have to take a class or earn a degree. I could learn techniques and mediums outside of a "class." I took a pre-writing class to make sure I would succeed in my writing courses. I enjoyed being challenged by my courses and actually enjoyed the first time I got a B because the teacher was giving me insightful and honest feedback and my favorite paper to write was from a history class in which I received a C! I like history because of the reading and exploration of the evolution of culture through text. Same from my anthropology class.
I am a writer at heart and was feeling anxious today because I had not taken the amount of time I wanted to spew out all of my most precious revelations in the last day and this morning. This was the last thought on my way back to my house following the enlightenment regarding my choice of studies in college: I am a writer and I can be at peace with that.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
On time & no ticket!
I had to speed to work this morning. Thankfully, I did not see a cop nor was pulled over for a ticket and was able to arrive on time. In talking with my husband, he prompted me to reflect on this frequent occurrence. I wake up on time, but I leave late. I realize I may be more of a morning person that I would like to admit.
I love getting up with the sun and the birds. I tend to feel my day was wasted if I have slept in too long. Although I may not want to be social, I find this is the time that I am motivate to get my day started. I want to complete the tasks to make me feel at peace with myself and my day. I tend to get "distracted" by drinking my coffee, talking to my plants, watching my dog play outside, clearing the counters, or switching a load of laundry. It's difficult to do all of that and get dressed, prepare my lunch, and get out the door to be to work on time.
I think the part of me that has always thought I was not a morning person, has been how I tend to be very unsociable in the mornings. I do not like carrying on a conversation; I find I get irritated. I think that irritation comes from a break in my concentration. It feels to me almost the same as the irritation I feel from being disrupted while reading a really good book.
The other part, has been how difficult it is for me to establish a set morning routine in order to arrive to work at a respectable time. I am not late often; more like arriving in the nick of time to begin the day. This is most common if my shift begins before 3pm.
I recall working 2nd shift (3pm-11pm) for the local hotel, and did not have a difficult time arriving on time. On occasion, I would be in the nick of time most often because I was coming from class in which it truly felt out of my control; education was more important that my part time minimum wage job.
In order for me to get my 8-9 hours of sleep to feel rested, I have to go to sleep at 10:30. To got to bed any earlier than that, feels terrible. I don't like going to bed before dark since again, I feel as though I am not taking advantage of my daylight hours, I like the sun set, as well as it is nearly impossible for me to sleep without complete darkness.
So, I am not quite sure how to remediate this situation. I feel like saying, "It's just how I am." Yet, my professionalism, prevents me from being at peace with this mentality.
Tom stated yesterday that we should start our own business so that we may work when we want and be together more frequently. I can't help but think back to my training with MaryKay, where I have learned that if you are not working, neither is your business. Therefore, I do not believe that is the solution to our situations.
Tom and I need to get creative. We need to continue exploring our interests and passions and follow our instincts (or not if they are leading us away from our passions). The wealthiest people have let their passions lead their way. Which reminds me of my daily devotional reading lesson reflecting on Elijah: To stray from your mission is to fail; don't let your success today, lead you to failure tomorrow. From this I took that just because I am able to pay my bills working, doesn't mean this is what I should be perusing to continue doing in the future. This has been reassuring to ponder since I have recently been struggling with my choice of career for many reasons. Again, I need to get creative to apply my education in a way that aligns with my passions and propels me into the future to follow the path I was meant to follow towards success.
In other words, I am going to continue enjoying my mornings.
I love getting up with the sun and the birds. I tend to feel my day was wasted if I have slept in too long. Although I may not want to be social, I find this is the time that I am motivate to get my day started. I want to complete the tasks to make me feel at peace with myself and my day. I tend to get "distracted" by drinking my coffee, talking to my plants, watching my dog play outside, clearing the counters, or switching a load of laundry. It's difficult to do all of that and get dressed, prepare my lunch, and get out the door to be to work on time.
I think the part of me that has always thought I was not a morning person, has been how I tend to be very unsociable in the mornings. I do not like carrying on a conversation; I find I get irritated. I think that irritation comes from a break in my concentration. It feels to me almost the same as the irritation I feel from being disrupted while reading a really good book.
The other part, has been how difficult it is for me to establish a set morning routine in order to arrive to work at a respectable time. I am not late often; more like arriving in the nick of time to begin the day. This is most common if my shift begins before 3pm.
I recall working 2nd shift (3pm-11pm) for the local hotel, and did not have a difficult time arriving on time. On occasion, I would be in the nick of time most often because I was coming from class in which it truly felt out of my control; education was more important that my part time minimum wage job.
In order for me to get my 8-9 hours of sleep to feel rested, I have to go to sleep at 10:30. To got to bed any earlier than that, feels terrible. I don't like going to bed before dark since again, I feel as though I am not taking advantage of my daylight hours, I like the sun set, as well as it is nearly impossible for me to sleep without complete darkness.
So, I am not quite sure how to remediate this situation. I feel like saying, "It's just how I am." Yet, my professionalism, prevents me from being at peace with this mentality.
Tom stated yesterday that we should start our own business so that we may work when we want and be together more frequently. I can't help but think back to my training with MaryKay, where I have learned that if you are not working, neither is your business. Therefore, I do not believe that is the solution to our situations.
Tom and I need to get creative. We need to continue exploring our interests and passions and follow our instincts (or not if they are leading us away from our passions). The wealthiest people have let their passions lead their way. Which reminds me of my daily devotional reading lesson reflecting on Elijah: To stray from your mission is to fail; don't let your success today, lead you to failure tomorrow. From this I took that just because I am able to pay my bills working, doesn't mean this is what I should be perusing to continue doing in the future. This has been reassuring to ponder since I have recently been struggling with my choice of career for many reasons. Again, I need to get creative to apply my education in a way that aligns with my passions and propels me into the future to follow the path I was meant to follow towards success.
In other words, I am going to continue enjoying my mornings.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
More about me & my career path...
I was raised in Ionia, MI. I am the oldest of five children. We were privileged to have many acres of land to grow on. Some of our land was dedicated to farming and another portion to auto mechanics. I learned many things from feeding our animals and helping my dad fix vehicles. I think my home is where my passion for learning started. My passion continued to develop at Palo Community Schools where I attended grades 2-8.
Palo is a very unique school. The whole school had under two hundred students while I was attending and each grade had on class and one teacher. This provided a chance to really make strong connections with fellow students and the teachers. You knew that they cared about you. As, I grew older I continued to reflect on my education at Palo Community Schools. I attended two very large high schools and found it hard to make valuable connections with faculty and staff of the schools.
Directly out of high school, I attended Grand Valley State University. I initially entered without knowing what I wanted to be when I "grew up." I took several classes before I knew I wanted to be a teacher. I chose to get my license in Elementary Education. I want to work with middle school students and possibly students in alternative education programs. I have found the Elementary Education Preparatory classes helpful in understanding the framework and foundations that students need to have in place before going on to high school.
So far, I have been working in the non-profit/public administration area for 2 years. I work for a community based organization that receives both local/ private and federal funding. I assist area youth to prepare for the GED tests and provide a community location for a high school credit recovery program for high school students. I have been struggling with my career for various reasons.
I don't like the current political/structural hierarchy of education and the effects it has had on people's perception, expectations, or value of a teacher. I am not sure I want to be a part of the evolution of education while being a new teacher. Therefore, I have NOT actively searched for "traditional" teaching positions. I would feel too vulnerable. I could expand on this, but I may leave that for another post.
In preparing students for the GED, I have lost a lot of my passion for creating engaging educational opportunities. I am simply, teaching to the test. That's all I can do because I work with a very transient population. I have considered exploring ways to change the program from computer-based, independent self-paced learning, but because of the wide range of learners who begin at such various dates, this task is too daunting to tackle. It would be the equivalent to a paradigm shift. I am not confident that I can inspire such great change in a geographical area that does not value a teacher.
Those I would say are the two most significant reasons for my hesitancy to begin teaching. There aren't schools like Palo anymore. Palo actually closed its doors at the end of last summer. Their last school year was 2012-2013. It's depressing.
I am not sure how to "make a difference."
Palo is a very unique school. The whole school had under two hundred students while I was attending and each grade had on class and one teacher. This provided a chance to really make strong connections with fellow students and the teachers. You knew that they cared about you. As, I grew older I continued to reflect on my education at Palo Community Schools. I attended two very large high schools and found it hard to make valuable connections with faculty and staff of the schools.
Directly out of high school, I attended Grand Valley State University. I initially entered without knowing what I wanted to be when I "grew up." I took several classes before I knew I wanted to be a teacher. I chose to get my license in Elementary Education. I want to work with middle school students and possibly students in alternative education programs. I have found the Elementary Education Preparatory classes helpful in understanding the framework and foundations that students need to have in place before going on to high school.
So far, I have been working in the non-profit/public administration area for 2 years. I work for a community based organization that receives both local/ private and federal funding. I assist area youth to prepare for the GED tests and provide a community location for a high school credit recovery program for high school students. I have been struggling with my career for various reasons.
I don't like the current political/structural hierarchy of education and the effects it has had on people's perception, expectations, or value of a teacher. I am not sure I want to be a part of the evolution of education while being a new teacher. Therefore, I have NOT actively searched for "traditional" teaching positions. I would feel too vulnerable. I could expand on this, but I may leave that for another post.
In preparing students for the GED, I have lost a lot of my passion for creating engaging educational opportunities. I am simply, teaching to the test. That's all I can do because I work with a very transient population. I have considered exploring ways to change the program from computer-based, independent self-paced learning, but because of the wide range of learners who begin at such various dates, this task is too daunting to tackle. It would be the equivalent to a paradigm shift. I am not confident that I can inspire such great change in a geographical area that does not value a teacher.
Those I would say are the two most significant reasons for my hesitancy to begin teaching. There aren't schools like Palo anymore. Palo actually closed its doors at the end of last summer. Their last school year was 2012-2013. It's depressing.
I am not sure how to "make a difference."
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