Insomnia

I laid in bed frustrated at several points last night. I couldn't fall asleep. Is it because I'm excited about the future? Certain things preoccupy a lot of my thoughts these days.

I tried many tricks. I laid my hands on my abdomen. Trying to breath deeply. I got out of bed. I wrote. I read. I wrote some more. I walked my dog. I took medicine. Still peace did not take over. Still could not sleep.

I could hear all the noises. Doors opening. Shutting. Footsteps. Why does this bother me?

I feel unsafe... Why?

Because I was in a 12 year relationship with someone who stayed awake drinking after I'd lay down. I would hear him walking. Doors opening. Closing. Fearing that when the bedroom door opens, would it be peaceful or war with demons I can't see in the resemblance of someone I cared for.

The Body Keeps the Score... Title and point.

My body remembers. I can't be frustrated with myself. Only patient. I have to keep recovering. Keep changing my thoughts. Keep practicing to heal. It will take time. I will use my good resources. I have a dr appointment soon. I have good  GREAT friends.

At Nancy's, I didn't have too much trouble sleeping. I felt safe there. Those noises were reassuring. My apartment complex is full of people I don't know and will only have to come to learn how to trust in certain ways. I can do this. I will continue striving for peace so that I may not miss another opportunity for JOY.